Or so I am told.
I am Arachnida Lolita... I like the anonymity of this alias for now. Maybe when I am more comfortable with sharing who I am, I'll change it, but the introvert in me wants to hide behind this title. So, now that we've got that out of the way, I suppose a nice little overview is in order, at least an answer to why I have decided to blog:
Multiple reasons, but one of them being that I like to write and post, I think it gives me a window into "Figuring it all out.". I think I might be having a quarter life crisis.. I just turned 30 in February and of course there was a lot of this: "OMG I am turning 30.. I wasted my 20's and now I'm OLD." Being a-- I don't exactly know what to call myself, but if I had to call myself anything I could definitely put myself in the Goth/Deathrock/Psychobilly (I am also Straightedge, yeah I know, a wacky combo.) column... if there is such a column. Anyway, being this way about 17 years in a primarily youth-based culture I admit.. I freaked the hell out last year about moving into the 30 and Up crowd.
The last few months I've seriously thought about what I want for myself and my family. That being said a few changes have made themselves needful. First and foremost being that of getting in shape and losing weight.
I have struggled with weight most of my life and it has been a real challenge to stay thin. The last two years I've gained a considerable amount of weight. I credit this significant amount of weight to stress eating due to the fact that my almost husband and I had to start raising his three sons by his ex-wife who could no longer take care of them and the diagnosis of my own son with Autism Spectrum Disorder (aka Asperger's). Not that I wasn't stress eating before, I've been doing it since I became a mom at 19 and taking care of my family (father and other relatives.) was increasingly stressful.
The three boys (who I love like my own.) are going back to live with their mother, who I am happy to say is now very clean and sober and I am confident that she is able to now take care of them like a mother should.
So, down to the nitty gritty of this weight predicament. A year and a half ago I was 240 pounds, which of course isn't great but I didn't look terrible.. but I have now gained a whole 40 pounds. Which, let me tell you is pretty devastating. There is nothing more terrible than knowing that your knees and ankles are in pain from standing all day because you can't or won't stop stress eating. So, I have made a commitment to lose not only the forty pounds but an additional fifty in the next nine months. I know it won't be easy and I know I'll stumble and fall on occasion but it is something I need to do.
The other thing is of course, I want to really enjoy losing weight by fitting into and showing off fashion finds that ring true to my tastes. I love bats, skulls, spiders.. their webs, lace, silk, stripes, black, black.. more black..
I love makeup too, I really, really love makeup... I have a really hard time recently indulging because I don't want to stand out due to the huge weight increase.
I just want to share who I am and what I am becoming.
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